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He was off to the latest blind date. He dabs some perfume and looks at the mirror, just a glance. He walks swiftly with strong strides to reach the other end of the room to retrieve his wallet and car keys. He would be damned if the girl was JUST another pretty face. He trusted his friend, but off lately since his marriage, he has been trying to hook him up with every possible girl. He knew it was time to settle down. He was ready. A prestigious job, along with his dark muscular frame, not to forget the bank balance, made him an ideal candidate for most girls. But he wanted something more. What was it, he never knew! still he was confident to find it out soon. As he went out, the sun shone brightly, momentarily glazing his view. What a bright sunny evening he thought, as he glided into the leather seats of his sleek sports car. His mind was blank. No anticipation anymore he thought to himself. If it is supposed to happen, it will happen with HER.She was nervous. She was not the one to go on a blind date. Her best friend has insisted knowing she rarely took time out for herself. Her words echoed in her mind, as she tried on the outrageously revealing gown. "He is one saucy dish. am sure you wont regret the date even if it did not go ahead" She never had time to buy clothes that would fit for occasions. She was in good shape, yet she felt so uncomfortable in the deep neckline of the gown. She decided to change. Oh dear god it is just a date, why am I getting paranoid, she mentally scolded herself and reached out for her comfortable jeans. She saw the kurta sent by her mom on her dressing table. Not too classy but comfortable. she quickly showered and changed. The mascara, lip gloss was all she needed for work. Now she added the lipstick and eye liner. She took out the ear rings, she preferred the long ones. It suits me, she thought with a smile. There was a knock on the door.
She sat looking at the older woman, in the couch which had seen better years. There was a coffee stain at one edge which appeared fainter but bigger due to the attempts of cleaning, there was a few stitches cleverly crafted in the cushions to make it look like designs rather than torn out parts. She remembered the day it was brought, it was on her 9th birthday. It looked so new and shiny. It could accommodate the constant praises of all people and the weight which it bore gracefully. She could now this second, relate the couch to the older woman, who had been as graceful years back. Now there were lines on her near perfect face. There were scars which could never be healed in her mind. Yet, she was always ready to give and share. Her love astonished her.
Now as she sat there thinking, how is she going to reveal herself of the pain. She knew talking to her would help. But if there was something eating her mind, she knew her MOM would be glad to hear and sort it for her. But this was terrible. Every living second she was being eaten by millions of cells. It was not the Physical pain of the disease but the metal agony of the news she received which had shattered her. The reports declared adinoma carcinoma. And her life had changed that day. Now she wanted to reach out to the older woman and hug her. Will the pain go away?
I am broken and lost!
I went on for years, without breaking apart
Belling my inward cowardice;
Fear of rejection, fear of failure
Made me mould my mask
Smoothening till perfection
A clone was born to taunt me;
Clone but well trained
Laughed when I cried inside
Soothed and consoled souls aplenty
While I am dying away inside
Creating an identity
While overshadowing mine!
Life seemed easier;
As people started preferring the clone
Over the shattered soul.
The mask tightened over myself
Burying me deeper
I cried out for release
I cried out for my soul
As days passed by
I became feeble and weak
My elastic limit stretched
I lay motionless, and incapable
As the clone was conquering
Now as love turns into misery,
The clone drifts far away. and
Amidst the rage of emotions
Tearing me apart, I try to
Peek a little at my dry life
Only to realize
Am dead inside!
A new start, a new beginning;
Always enticing, always excites!
The wonder of the mystery,
Of what lies ahead, intrigues;
Contemplating the good, bad and the evil,
The optimist in me runs to the aid,
Pushing aside the peeping pessimism
Future days of the new beginning,
May unfold as memories
Either preferring to be locked deep inside,
Or brings a Smile to cherish,
Of the time well spent, the time relished.
As I leisurely march past,
The scurrying crowd,
My youth and vigor, Fails
To entrap the rush, the hustle
Of the day anticipated.
Nobody seems to drink in the beauty,
Of the early mist, shimmering Sun,
The twittering birds, the swaying leaves
The holy serenity is disrupted
By the swarming people in all directions.
For this is yet another beginning amidst aplenty!
As I see down leisurely, enjoying
My new beginning, my freedom,
I realize I need this time for me
I rejoice the feel of the paper and ink
Giving me the power of words
Inspiring me; eluding me;
I begin this day with the assurance
Of a decision well made
Tempting to reveal the new Start,
Of my first Bus Journey in Solitude.
As I see you, Oh! Mighty one,
I realize with a longing,
in an amateur poetess's heart,
Words can only do Injustice!
I bow down to your esteemed presence,
as the sense of tranquility prevails
capturing me into a trance.
Your tides are so fierce ,
Yet when you hit the shores,
there is a humbleness in your sacrifice
for the selfish mortal's pleasure.
As i see you moving
back and forth with every bounce..
I see your sacrifice
reading joy even in the faces
of the most arrogant sapiens !
As the silent observer in me,
hunts the faces of all ages..
I see the children scattered around,
Unafraid and Shrieking
in the highest of decibels
entering to discover,
the Vastness in you!
The lovebirds seem undisturbed,
In every nook and corner
chirping within themselves
in the lowest of decibels!
enjoying the bonding in solitude
letting the eyes do all talking
and seeking heavenly comfort
in the lovers arms, I realize
words fade near the mighty you!
I can also see a few of the
withered ones,
not by grace,
not by heart,
not in the least by charm,
But by the sheer age!
I can see their eyes twinkling
as they enjoy the breeze!
And last but not the least
I see a few unlikely souls
like me inhaling the serenity
which you are ever ready to give.
Come what may!
You are a source of
unadulterated pleasure!
whose generosity
is over showered
on every passer by!
Now as the boats move further away,
towards the unknown horizon,
I begin to wet my feet
just for the sheer endurance,
of the soft kisses
you bestow upon me..
I can see you smiling,
I can see you mocking,
Oh! Mighty OCEAN ,
You are forever a mystery!
O dearest daddy,
words cant express how much
I am missing you right now.
I don't know what am doing,
I don't know why am blogging.
all I know is am dead inside.
I am cranky, moody and sad,
if only you were near me,
If only I could hear you speak,
If only I could feel your presence,
O my! what a Life am I leading?
why cant i feel happiness?
why do i feel so numb?
what did I ever do so bad?
for the pain that pierces me!
am shattered ,
I miss you like crazy!
Why me? why me? why me?
why did you leave me?
to know what this f*ked up life is all about?
I have learnt enough,
I have ached enough
come and show me how to be gay
I have lost hope in everything
the future seems bleak
I have no one to my aid,
O daddy dearest I love you!
I have had enough,
I lost you,
I lost my relationship,
I lost my happy family,
I have lost faith in myself!
Oh please take me away from my miseries,
take me away from this pain..
Happy birthday !
Happy birthday to you!
happy birthday dear daddy..
happy birthday to YOU!
Love
Your shattered daughter!
Dedicated to my Best Friend KRUPA!
Its been a decade,
The innocent childhood,
The ignorant Teen days,
The Romantic college days, :)
The Realistic harsh days,
And Yet I crave for more ;-)
You are always close to my heart,
yet the distance makes it hard.
I know you are going away for the good,
I know you are going to be happy.
Yet, my heart refuses to let go,
My soul is being unrealistic!
You have always been around,
smiled through my happy days,
cried with me when I am hurt,
showered me with love when I needed,
I can never get someone so dear,
I love you my dear Friend!
It all seems so near,
the days of innocence,
the days filled with sunshine,
the days we were ourselves.
Now we commute in different paths,
I have furthered the distance,
To let you go.
Now spread your wings ,
and fly high my dearest,
Your day is coming,
Your joys are gonna make me smile,
Your happiness will enrich thy!
You are going to be glowing,
Like the Moon on a cloudless night,
as you gracefully walk down the aisle,
amongst all the near dear ones,
As everyone turn green with envy..
I shall be beaming with Pride,
here comes the beautiful bride!
