Aug 4, 2009

2007 - D year I turned into an Adult!

2007 truly turned out to be the worst year in my life ...I Guess there were very few ups and hell lot of downs .But 2007 has made me learn too many things too fast .By the end of 2007 i was made to realize that I am not a kid anymore and I can never be "DADDY"S LITTLE GIRL " anymore :|

The first half of 2007 was kind of okay ...I was making all plans to do my MS ...and preparing for GRE and stuff ....little did I know that fate was going to rudely interrupt my plans for my life FOREVER!

My Most awaited day was my Parents 25th Wedding Anniversary on JULY 08 ...It was going to be a very special day for all of us in the family. But Appa's health started to deteriorate , in a very unexpected and sudden way . He lost his appetite , and did not look good . I and my Dad both are adamant about not going to a doctor , so he protested a lot and kept postponing his trips to the doctor . July 08 came and he was hardly able to eat 1 cup of rice , when we went to celebrate .

So things started getting bad ...and we slowly but steadily forced him to a doctor and the doctor wanted to take a biopsy being the jerk i was ...did not realize the seriousness of the situation and kept fighting with my Dad for this and that . Till date or rather till i die i am going to feel bad about it .Then September 05 Teachers day for all of you but mine I grew up to be an adult ...There came the biopsy report and it clearly stated adeno carcinoma grade III ...well i was puzzled too what the hell was adeno carcinoma ? It turned out to be the Third stage of Stomach cancer ... It came as a rude shock to me . I went to collect the report ...I was shocked ...I could not go home , could not face my dad ? what am i supposed to do now ? I cried all the way to my house and then pretended to have a brave face and entered my house ... I told my dad that it was cancer but very early stages to make him feel brave (when did this change happen ? How come I am trying to protect him rather than vice versa ? ) Have i really grown up ? But this was just the smallest initial blow ..the next week i went to Adayar cancer Institute and there they refused to operate him saying he had only 2 months to Live ...Our family went crazy ...Jus 2 months My parents celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary and the doctors say he has just 2 more months to live ? 60 days ? really ?

The worst thing you can face in life is slowly seeing the person you love die in front of your eyes , My dad who was everything to me , who made my life easier for me ..crumbled down to pieces ...he was no more the person i Knew ...More than us he was trying to accept the fact that he was going to die ? why would some oner have to have such a cruel fate ? My dad of all people does not deserve it ...Damn all the gods ...They don't deserve the respect people give them least I am sure i won't respect any god ever .. My belief has been shattered !

And the worst is yet to be over ...I saw his last breath and he died in my lap :|
with 2 months of blood vomit ..we all knew the ed is coming but not s tragically ...till date i have nightmares and i have the death scene repeating all over itself. It is not enough that he has to die but he has to die a tragic death ?

And then I realized even if I don't want to I have to become an adult ....I can never recover over his death but writing about it makes me cry and release the buried emotions I have written this blog to get some peace ....I moved away from chennai as chennai brings awful memories nowadays but in hyd i feel lonely ...maybe my life is always meant to be a miserable one (?)

APpa I miss you terribly and love u more than u have ever thot..! I miss sharing good things with u and i miss u so much ...i have turned into a diff person ...I don't like to Live life anymore ...But Sadly I have grown up w/o u seeing it ! I LOVE U !

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